Being intentional. Quiet. Self-care.
These are all big-deal hot words right now. And rightfully so. Only somehow, these phrases and pieces of advice sometimes turn into “guilt monsters” when we don’t really have ideas of what works for us. It’s hard to make a definitive list, because how we accomplish these noble goals is quite unique to each person. What I consider to be “self-care” might be stress-inducing for someone else, and vice versa! For instance, some of you may relax in the tub as your self-care or quiet time…that is not relaxing for me. Instead, I sit there thinking of lists of things I could or would rather be doing during that time. Personally, I would rather put on an apron and some background music (lately I’ve been experimenting with instrumental-only), and make something yummy for my family in the kitchen. That brings me joy, which brings me fulfillment, which is self-care for me. It is also me being intentional…and if I’m lucky, it is also my quiet time (unless I am joined by a preteen or a teenager, which is always welcomed). 
Another thing I enjoy doing for myself is pouring a cup of coffee, closing the door, turning on my diffuser, sitting in one of the wing-back chairs in our master bedroom, and taking 5-10 minutes just enjoying the aroma and taste. During this time, sometimes I pray. Other times, I organize my mind’s to-do list for the rest of the day (yes, this calms me), and other times still, I just sit there. You know that verse in the Bible that says,”Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10)? For me, that stillness is often found in that chair, with my coffee cup in hand. This quiet time recharges me, lifts me up, edifies me. This is definitely a form of my self-care.
I would say that out of those three “hot button” phrases, “being intentional” get me the most. You see I am, by nature, a do-er. (I’m pretty sure I’ve already mentioned the lists I make twice in this short piece.) I am always doing something…usually many somethings at the same time. While to some, that sounds great, and super productive (which it can be!), it comes at a cost. Several costs, actually. There are some days it costs me my peace. There are other days it costs me the opportunity to truly connect with our kids (because my one is elsewhere, even when I’m there with them). And there are also other times when my incessant multitasking costs me my intentionality (yes, that’s a word…I looked it up, haha!). I can get so busy doing things all at the same time, trying to achieve this huge goal of finishing every one of the 5,000 items on my to-do list, that I lose many MUCH more important things along the way. My list may or may not be completed, but the cost sometimes becomes too great. Allllllllll of this to say that I continue to purposefully work in this area within my own mind. I have decided that for me, “being intentional” looks like me kicking it down a notch, paying closer attention to my family than to my lists, and really focusing on each moment as it comes.
So…do these three phrases ever become the “guilt monsters” I spoke of earlier for you? For me, they so easily can! The supposed-to-be-helpful encouragements uttered by those we do and don’t know, and those we speak to ourselves too, can tend to make us feel guilty that we’re not “doing it right”…or it just me?? Things like “take time for yourself”, “slow down”, “forget the lists”, and my un-favorite “take a hot bath” are all counterproductive for me. I just don’t work that way. Hearing those things simply reminds me that I could be doing better (Picture me making the classic “meh” face right now…). I have found what works better for me though, in addition to my cup of coffee.
*Walking in my vegetable garden, tending it as I go.
*Heading out to the chicken coop…the girls never mind hearing me ramble as I go on about straightening laying boxes and collecting eggs.
*Taking a moment to look around the room, and instead of seeing everything still left undone, intentionally focusing (there’s that word again) on the evidence of us living life to the fullest. Those colored pencils strewn about? They’re learning and creation in process. The untidy couch cushions and unfolded blankets? Evidence of the time we spent as a family watching a movie last night. The piled up dishes? We eat really well here. The schoolbooks everywhere except inside backpacks? Clear indicators of academic progress. And so on…
This shifting of my mind and heart makes all the difference for me. It also makes those three phrases “self-care”, “quiet”, and “being intentional” peaceful and edifying instead of guilt monsters. Also, if you’re going to try my “cup of coffee” (or tea) idea, the cup matters! Use one you love…it’s part of the joy.