How many times have you been talking to your kids, and then look up to see that they’re no longer tuned in, but doodling or daydreaming instead? As a teacher, it is one of my pet peeves. As a mom, it is equally as frustrating. I immediately think to myself, “How long have they been not paying attention? How much of what I just said do I now need to repeat??” All the while feeling a little bit irked that they have just caused me more work, or more time.
WAIT. A. MINUTE.
Let’s think about this. I will continue to use myself as an example. All the thoughts I have at those moments??? They’re all about me. My feelings, my goals, my frustrations, my plans. Isn’t it so easy as a mom (and as a homeschooler) to get so caught up in making and carrying out our [admittedly awesome] plans that we forget to see the moments of silliness, of inspiration, or the silent desire of our kids for a break? Ugh. I am afraid I have missed them pretty often. But this is not a place I would like to dwell. I would like to grow past these tendencies. But how?
I am not an expert in any sense of the word at this kind of thing. I did not study this subject area in college, and I clearly do not have a ton of experience at changing it…YET. But I do have something. Something big enough and strong enough to help me shift into a mindset that is more helpful to my children. I have LOVE. And that’s enough. It’s all I need to focus on. I realize that sounds totally cliché and maybe even a “out there,” but it’s the truth. If I focus on my love for my children, which is unfailing and unconditional, I will be able to serve and guide them so much better.
A change of focus. A heart shift. A mindfulness I didn’t think about very much before. In the Bible it says that in Christ, all things old will be made new again. This seems to apply here, too! Jesus loves us unfailingly and unconditionally…it’s how we can have that type of love for our children. My old ways of thinking about their learning need to be reshaped, honed, changed. As I look at the doodles they’ve done on the papers I am grading, I see genius. I see beauty. I see their hearts.
I’ll tell you a little story. Math is a subject that many kids, including me when I was young, approach with trepidation and dread. Our daughter was no different than I was. When she was little, she would feel very frustrated, sometimes even to tears, when the subject was taking too long or she didn’t understand it. She would opt to sit and daydream, pencil in hand, instead of working. As a parent, when we are also tired/want to move on/don’t plan to spend all day on something, we can get frustrated, too. One day, this exact scenario had played out. She was upset, I was frustrated, and I sent the kids outside for a play and snack break so that I could gather my thoughts. I walked over to her math book. I looked at the page she had been working on, and my heart broke. Do you know what I found? I found a doodle that said the words she didn’t know how to say. It was a picture of her face, with tears streaming down it, and a speech bubble that said, “Math hates me.” I almost burst into tears myself at this glimpse into her world. She was so beyond discouraged, but was trying to do as I asked. I had been frustrated she was “wasting time.” Oh dear. I felt about two inches tall, and so very sad that I hadn’t seen this in her before now. It was the doodle in her book that told me the truth I had been blinded to. She wasn’t wasting time. She wasn’t procrastinating purposefully. She felt defeated by math, and I had not been helping. Ouch. That arrow pierced my mama heart with a pang of remorse.
I decided right then and there that math would be different. I would help her overcome her fears and regain her confidence. That little drawing in her book spoke volumes. It told me exactly what she needed. She needed me…Not to teach her the math, not to hurry her along, not to remind her to stay on task. She needed me to hold up the shield for her so she felt safe to fight the battle. She needed my understanding and patience. She needed me to put my plans on hold for her, so she could overcome her obstacles.
In all these years, I have learned that sometimes foregoing our scheduled plans (even if it’s for school!) is not only important, but absolutely necessary for our kids’ healthy growth as people. They may be smaller than we are, at least for now, but they have big emotions and big needs. Through their doodles and daydreams, I have found out so many things I hadn’t known. When they feel our love for them, they thrive. When they feel our stress, they have trouble.
So I encourage you today to take a moment to daydream and doodle with your kids. Share your musings. Listen to theirs. Open up conversations. Here’s a beautiful template to print out to doodle on! You will be amazed by the joy that enters your heart and theirs through this process. And it’s ok if it takes up school time. It’s ok to save it for tomorrow. It’s ok to not do it all. The important thing is that your kids see you finding joy in them. Blessings today and always.